And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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