the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
