How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
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After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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