I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
