i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
