sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just gift wrapped bread.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
