Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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