So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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