new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
