Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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