I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
