My friends, they love my intelligence
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
