thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
