proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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