I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I currently don't understand fingers.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
