I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize