when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
