I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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