I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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