I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
