It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
