If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
