I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
