dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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