She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
