Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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