Your mouth is God's brothel.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
