Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
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there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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