A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
