things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
