I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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