Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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