What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
