:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
