Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
