I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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