By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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