its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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