Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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