Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
