I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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