I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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