He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
