I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
