Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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