I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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