I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
