Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize