I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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