I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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