i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
