I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
