i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
