what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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