Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
