great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
