If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
