I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
