Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
