you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
