Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
