my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
