yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
