did you get engaged???
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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