i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
