i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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