I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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