So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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