Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles

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  (212): Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles http://tfl.nu/ttbo
  Replies (5) Good night (601) Bad night (979)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.

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  (202): I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas. http://tfl.nu/grxp
  Replies (41) Good night (4652) Bad night (680)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic

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  (917): She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic http://tfl.nu/5xzq
  Replies (37) Good night (5121) Bad night (1459)
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  (845): View more from New York

  This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.

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  (845): This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin. http://tfl.nu/f5uz
  Replies (45) Good night (804) Bad night (8083)
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  (831): View more from California

  I puked off the balcony.

  (1-831): View more from California

  Not horrible

  (831): View more from California

  Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.

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  (831): I puked off the balcony. (1-831): Not horrible (831): Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza. http://tfl.nu/7wv6
  Replies (11) Good night (2343) Bad night (9016)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....

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  (731): He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars.... http://tfl.nu/aa23
  Replies (15) Good night (1244) Bad night (8191)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas

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  (832): The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas http://tfl.nu/fiou
  Replies (8) Good night (2104) Bad night (716)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''

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  (608): all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!'' http://tfl.nu/g7vx
  Replies (22) Good night (7195) Bad night (891)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.

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  (201): what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT. http://tfl.nu/yb4q
  Replies (4) Good night (853) Bad night (598)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year

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  (267): he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year http://tfl.nu/s0i5
  Replies (2) Good night (1130) Bad night (436)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.

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  (817): You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman. http://tfl.nu/6t1t
  Replies (10) Good night (2989) Bad night (461)
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  (+27): View more from South Africa

  I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.

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  (+27): I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me. http://tfl.nu/p5fs
  Replies (13) Good night (478) Bad night (933)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock

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  (318): My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock http://tfl.nu/d5ea
  Replies (10) Good night (1654) Bad night (343)
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  (530): View more from California

  I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "

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  (530): I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. " http://tfl.nu/24zo
  Replies (5) Good night (626) Bad night (236)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.

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  (727): I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes (937): Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you. http://tfl.nu/m8ti
  Replies (1) Good night (641) Bad night (280)

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