Texts From Last Night

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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.

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  (843): Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call. http://tfl.nu/3web
  Replies (69) Good night (5699) Bad night (1180)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago

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  (402): I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago http://tfl.nu/aauf
  Replies (16) Good night (3649) Bad night (1429)
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  (925): View more from California

  so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious

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  (925): so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious http://tfl.nu/hqe9
  Replies (16) Good night (4701) Bad night (695)
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  (914): View more from New York

  i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die

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  (914): i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die http://tfl.nu/gzsu
  Replies (11) Good night (4199) Bad night (907)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping

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  (540): just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping http://tfl.nu/3wqg
  Replies (18) Good night (4935) Bad night (990)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.

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  (305): I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having. http://tfl.nu/q5k9
  Replies (17) Good night (3774) Bad night (1507)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.

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  (610): I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral. http://tfl.nu/xbiu
  Replies (14) Good night (5914) Bad night (1187)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty

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  (253): She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty http://tfl.nu/bhaz
  Replies (3) Good night (796) Bad night (2832)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears

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  (218): Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears http://tfl.nu/spts
  Replies (1) Good night (715) Bad night (1097)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.

  (1-623): View more from Arizona

  That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me

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  (623): Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice. (1-623): That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me http://tfl.nu/ei2r
  Replies (8) Good night (2792) Bad night (696)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous

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  (781): The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous http://tfl.nu/9eck
  Replies (3) Good night (528) Bad night (735)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.

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  (360): She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake. http://tfl.nu/n9ny
  Replies (7) Good night (491) Bad night (899)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....

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  (250): So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too..... http://tfl.nu/p12c
  Replies (2) Good night (902) Bad night (529)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.

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  (316): I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent. http://tfl.nu/pby1
  Replies (6) Good night (1256) Bad night (525)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.

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  (703): there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners. http://tfl.nu/h528
  Replies (3) Good night (582) Bad night (318)

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