apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
