so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
