I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
