I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
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The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
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he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am