Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Two words: blizzard sex
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.