So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
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I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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