I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize