Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
