Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.