is your mom at the bar?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child