tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
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as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
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Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.