did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
