Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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