she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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