Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
