So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
