thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
