what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
