Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
They took my balls.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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