dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
