but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
