So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
