I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
