The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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