WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
