I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
