You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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