so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
